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Welcome fatties, welcome. We at Burger Empire are truly pleased that your mouths have satiated, your stomach is growling,
and your appetite is whetted. For if it is good food you're looking for, then boy, have you come to the wrong place.
Lets
get something straight people. If you are on a diet, and are looking for some low fat, low cholesteral, low carbs, low taste,
low who gives a fuck blah blah blah, then turn right around and get your skinny asses out of here. Yes, that's right. Click
your nice little Google search bar and visit the website for Healthy Burger. There you'll find all the most healthy, tasteless,
joyless crap you could ever want, along with all the other pompous sunday school freaks who think health will make you happy.
Yeah right, and religion can make you happy too...
Here at Burger Empire, we believe there's something
else that can make you happy: Eating to your heart's desire, all the while completely ignoring the fat content and salt intake.
After all, what you don't know cant hurt you. And that's what we truly believe. So what if your cholesterol skyrockets, your
blood pressure exceeds all natural human capacity, and your arteries swell to the size of a coconut? There are more important
things in this world that health. (namely you spending your money on our worthless junk)
There are
many things at this website to peak the interest of the fat at heart. Our menu, which offers all the most wonderful life-sucking
food products you can imagine, from our Death Before 40 Pounder, to our Grease Shakes. From out Fat Fries to our world famous
Lard Burger, all the most foul, artery clogging masterpieces of early death can be found right here. You can also find out
more about us by visiting out contact page, complete with a 24 hour delivery line, all calls answered by our enthusiastic
young staff of high school dropouts too lazy to find themselves a real job. Finally, you can check out our policies page.
Just remember one thing: we are not accountable for any future health ailments, including tapeworms.
So
sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself a Burger Empire burger. You know you want one. Come on, just one...What could it hurt?
Rest assured, your unstoppable need for instant gratification, coupled with your complete ignorance of your own body will
be more than enough to make us filthy stinking rich.
Enjoy!
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